So here we go my first post on my blog journey, let me start by saying I’m not an educated guy I will make spelling mistakes and bad punctuation again and again so its pointless pulling me up on it, far more importaintly I am not a doctor or anything of the sort and hold no official documentation to give any advice other than to share my story and what life is like for me living with this horrible illness, il be sharing my day to day struggles and achievements in getting through each day with the ups and downs that come with living with a mental illness and I hope that il be hearing from people doing the same and sharing what we have learned along the way.

Day one blog one

So here goes its been a bad day starting with a sleepless night followed by feeling tired and fatigued, this as always starts the cycle and by 9 o’clock anxiety was kicking in firstly the physical symptoms that for me starts by feeling dizzy then the muscle cramps in my lower legs, its at this point I know I should get up and make myself busy to try and burn off the anxious energy, but today I’m just too tired and made the mistake of letting it build, before too long the fear has kicked in, I decide to do the one thing that always helps, I lay down and try and sleep it off but thats to easy isn’t it because the reason id had a bad nights sleep in the first place is that I have sleep apnea, for the next hour or so im in and out of sleep waking with a jump and gasping for air, the fear gets worse and the normal rubbish goes through my mind, you know the type of thing am I having a heart attack blah blah blah along with all the other reasons that I think im dying or have a real health problem, its at this point I have to remind myself that anxiety is a real health problem and ive been here before thousands of times but im still here so calm the hell down.

Finally I get myself up and start my day its now two o’clock hours have passed, I do my normal routine and and start the daily chores it helps to fill my thoughts and keep the demons at bay while theres just myself at home the lack of sleep and the attack leaves me tired and I’m already applying pressure on myself to make sure I get a good nights sleep tonight as I’m going away with my wife over night for a treat, well I say its a treat it is for my wife for me its a worry that started the day we booked the hotel, yes its that stupid task of thinking myself in to not enjoying or looking forward to going as most people would, for me I’m already thinking about how far I am from home my safe place and what if I have a panic attack while we are there, I’m going for one night but pack a back for any possible event just so I don’t worry I’ve left something behind that may trigger me off again.